The Final Comedown

2019 has been a big year for me in terms of running. Having completed my first marathon in 2017 then spending 2018 smashing PBs in all other distances I decided that 2019 I was going to go all out in terms of long runs.

In April, after a few months of solid, injury free training, I ran the Magna Carta marathon, along the River Thames, completing it in just over 4 hours which was a surprise to everyone, most of all me. I appreciate I’m no Kipchoge but this was a pretty speedy marathon time for me.

Then in June I ran the Weald 50k, my first ever ultra marathon. A race that I really enjoyed where I found that I was able to unleash a second wind once I got past marathon distance. Possibly a sign that an ultra runner persona lurks within me somewhere.

September was the New Forest Marathon. I have been looking at this race for a number of years as my Dad lives fairly close by and we had our family holiday here over the summer so I had been really looking forward to it. Unfortunately, I had been struggling with a bad back leading up to the race so it became a case of just getting it done. I managed a few short runs in the couple of weeks beforehand then had a positive remedial massage a few days before (thanks to Pat Coogan!) so just about made it round those 26.2 miles. It was a struggle, both mentally and physically, and I still have no idea how I made it over the finish line.

Following New Forest Marathon I was pleased to discover that my poor old back made very steady improvements. I returned to training with my run club and was progressing once again. I made the decision to book in another challenge and entered a trail marathon, Ranscombe Challenge, at the end of October. I did a 15 mile training run the week before and figured I could just about get a marathon done on the back of all the training I had done all year and I was absolutely right. 26.2 miles bagged and I was feeling super positive.

So you would think that running all these distances in one year would make me feel amazing, right? Wrong. Oh so wrong. After Ranscombe I came down with a horrible cold that prevented me from running entirely. I tried not to beat myself up about this as actually, the cold was well timed and my body now had time to recover from the marathon distance before I put it through anything else. I am someone who does not get ill very often so I am the worst patient and felt very sorry for myself.

A week post race and the cold was beginning to subside, I felt that it might be time to get some recovery miles in the bag. I then received the sad news that one of my run club friends, Wim, had passed away suddenly and this hit me very hard. I have struggled with training since. He was a special man who was always such a big presence and someone you would look forward to having a laugh with at run club and parkrun. The thought of him not being there on training nights was inconceivable.

In an attempt to restore some kind of motivation, I signed up to race Cross Country for the first time. I ran the first two races and felt absolutely nothing. This should be something that is right up my street. Racing as part of a team, wearing trail shoes, running in new places. But I felt nothing at all. I couldn’t tell you 1 thing I loved about them or 1 thing I hated about them. Apart from going to the pub with my run club on the way home…but this is far from the point.

This lack of motivation combined with a blue few weeks, my boyfriend and favourite running buddy being out of action, and also a very minor hamstring niggle has led me to the decision to take a couple of weeks away from running. I have joined a gym to help maintain fitness and I will still continue to walk/hike a lot so I get to experience that sense of adventure that I love about running. I am not going to stress about it. I have no major races booked until May 2020 so there is no need to panic just yet. Currently I am not missing running in the slightest.

I have experienced this lack of mojo before and after a week without running the sense of guilt starts to make an appearance but I haven’t felt anything yet which can only be a good sign, right? I am hoping that after another week, with more time on my hands to reflect, I will start to remember what it is that I love about running and will want to get back out there. But if that doesn’t happen I will just give it more time. 4 marathon/marathon plus distances in a year is an amazing achievement but it seems that with great achievement also comes a great big, fat comedown.

Running is my chosen hobby, no one forces me to do it, so if it is no longer feeling fun then maybe a break is just what I need.

Canterbury 10 – one big struggle

Last weekend I completed my first race of the year – the Canterbury 10 mile road race, with around 1500 other runners. Canterbury is my home city and I love being able to take part in a race so close to where I live as logistics are an absolute doddle. It’s a hilly, scenic route which takes in the rolling countryside of the villages on the outskirts of the city – definitely my kind of race. I actually signed up for this race back in September last year as it gives you something to focus on during January and a reason not to just give up on training entirely over the festive period.

So it is safe to say I had been looking forward to this race for a good few months. That was until the week of the race itself. A few days beforehand illness struck and I felt completely exhausted. On the Friday I was starting to feel better but I still had a banging headache and I had hardly managed to get out and run at all that week. By Sunday morning I was totally dreading the thought of running 10 miles…let alone racing it.

To give you some background this was actually my third time running this event. 2017 was my first year. At this point I had only ever run one 10 mile race and that was a completely flat coastal route back in April 2016. For the Canterbury 10 in 2017 I managed to finish just a few minutes after my previous 10 mile time. I was happy with that considering it was a much more challenging route and the freezing fog made race conditions very difficult. In 2018 I knocked a staggering 6 minutes off my 2017 time to cross the line in 1:23:23.

In the 12 months since this race last year my running has come on leaps and bounds so I was feeling confident that I would get another PB this year. But this only added to the nerves leading up to the start line. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I would feel if I didn’t get a PB especially when I considered how much my running has improved since the last time I ran this race. Now if someone else had told me that they were not looking forward to a race because they were worried they wouldn’t get a PB I would have told them not to be so ridiculous! But we are not always the best at heeding our own advice are we? Particularly as I am someone who likes to compete with myself and constantly strives for improvement.

For the entire week leading up to the race I had been checking the weather religiously as it had been threatening sleet showers. On the morning of the race I had got up early to take my eldest to swim club and it was raining hard and freezing cold at 6am. By the time we walked to race HQ just after 8am the rain had lessened but it was still very windy and freezing cold. This only added to my nerves. It’s a difficult course at the best of times but the added issue of non-favourable weather, it was clear this wasn’t going to be a walk in the park.

I had calculated that if I stuck to around 5 minute kilometres (yes I still measure my runs in kms – feel free to judge me!) then I would be well on target to grab myself a massive PB. I had managed to stick to this pace, or there abouts, on training runs so I knew I would have it in me in race conditions to stay at this speed. But instead of reassuring me this only made me feel worse as I just kept thinking that if I don’t manage it I will only have myself to blame, which is simply not true. Anyway the race set off and as you can imagine with so many runners the first mile or so is incredibly bunched up. You have to weave your way in and out of the other runners so that you are able to settle into your comfortable pace. However, from the very first step everything felt uncomfortable. My shoulders felt tense, I couldn’t get my breathing right, I felt like I had my shoes on the wrong feet, my big toes hurt and I was getting uncharacteristically annoyed with everything and everyone around me. I knew then that I wasn’t going to have an enjoyable race.

At around 2 miles in I could see a commotion up ahead and runners were clearing the path. A female runner from another club had taken an unfortunate tumble and was lying on the ground crying out in pain, with her leg twisted at a very awkward angle. It was evident she had done some serious damage. Other runners had stopped to be with her whilst the medical attention arrived. It was really unsettling to see. I have since discovered that she broke her femur bone, poor woman, I hope she recovers quickly.

At 4 miles there is the first of 2 killer hills. This one is relatively short (around 400m) but really quite steep. My pace obviously slowed but I was managing to overtake some other runners up hill and this gave me a bit of a confidence boost. However, when I got to the top I was unable to enjoy the recovery because I just could not recover. My legs were done in and my lungs had simply had enough. Just after the half way point the course took a sharp left turn into a gentle incline straight into some awful headwind. I was still managing to dip in just under that magical 5 minute kilometre but I was finding it all such a huge effort. Usually at the half way point in a race I get a buzz from knowing that every step I take from that point onwards was another step closer to the finish line. Not this time. As I was running into that headwind, struggling to breathe and getting absolutely zero joy from running I knew that these final 5 miles would be the real battle.

I was completely right. Each mile felt like it lasted an eternity. I was cold, miserable and heavy footed. It was pure hard work and determination that got me through. I kept thinking there was absolutely no way I was going through this ordeal and getting a time I was not happy with. This was the only thought that kept me driven for those final few miles. I crossed the finish line in 1:22:40. 43 seconds faster than my previous PB.

When I crossed that finish line and someone kindly cut the timing chip from my shoe and hung a medal round my neck you would think that I would have felt ecstatic, over the moon, accomplished. Instead I just felt numb. Relieved the suffering was finally over but just numb. I had left everything out on the course and I was completely empty. But why did I feel this way? When you look at the facts I should have felt wonderful – I had managed a PB in awful weather conditions, despite being poorly that week. But something just didn’t sit right with me about this race.

I took some time to reflect on what had made me feel so rubbish about an otherwise incredible achievement. In all honesty I think it is that I am not used to having to work so hard for a PB. I am not saying that all of my achievements have come easy, far from it, it is more that I have been used to enjoying the events where I have done well. Don’t get me wrong, I have had bad races before, but these are the ones where I have had a bad result to match my bad experience. To go through all this pain and struggle for 10 miles then still end up with a result to be proud of was all new to me.

So what have I learned from all of this?
1. A bad experience is no reflection of my performance
2. Overthinking is the killer of enjoyment
3. Not all achievements come easy. Sometimes if you want something badly you absolutely have to work for it. The struggle to achieve what you really want is likely to hurt but it’ll all be worth it!

Being competitive and OWNING it

Within the space of a few days I have had more than one accusation levelled at me that I am competitive.

When I heard this my immediate reaction was to laugh it off. I mean, what a ludicrous thing to say. Competitive. Me? Of course I’m not. I’m an average speed, middle of the pack, definitely not bothered about my time, just want to enjoy it, kind of runner. I cannot possibly be all of those things and be something as unsavoury as competitive too. Or can I?

Well needless to say this made me reflect on what being competitive actually means to me. I have spent far too long caring about the negative connotations of ‘being competitive’ that I hadn’t actually considered the positives.

Let me put this into context for you to give you some background on where these “Sammy-Jo you are so competitive” comments came from. The first was in a chat with some running buddies who alluded to me being competitive because I am obsessed with achieving a parkrun PB and when I do manage to run one I want to shout it from the rooftop. I was very quick to defend this. We all have our motivations for running, (see my earlier post Why Do I Run?) but achieving something that you once did not even realise was possible makes running that much more special. The second ‘accusation’ came from a friend who I will sometimes go to a group a spin class with. This particular spin class starts at 6.30am and the studio is kitted out with technology that will rank your bike’s performance and this is displayed on a screen for the whole group to see. Only you know your bike ID but I turn up to every class determined to rank in the top 3. Which when you read it back is clearly extremely competitive. Once again I was very quick to defend myself. But let me tell you if I am going to set an alarm for 6am the morning after interval training you can be sure that I am going to be in that class giving it my all because if you are not giving it your all then what is the point?

But why am I so quick to defend my competitive spirit? In all honesty, until recently I haven’t even been able to admit it to myself. Now I can see it is obvious that I am competitive but not in the literal sense of the word. From the outside looking in it may appear that I am out to win but the truth of the matter is that the only person I am competing with is myself. A PB is exactly that, a PERSONAL best. And in the spin class I have no idea what everyone else’s bike ID is. All I care about is that MY bike is in the top 3.

But with competitiveness we all tread a very fine line. Sometimes competitiveness can come across as cocky or intimidating and all those other negative things that come to mind. So you have to get the balance right in order to encourage others without putting them off.

Whilst pondering how competitive I am I have often wondered if it was this determination to better myself that has spurred me on when training has not been going to plan or when I have been ill or injured. It drives you to be a better runner, makes you strive to continually improve, moves you to greater achievements and pushes you to run that little bit further or faster. Without competition, without races, without parkruns, without milestones, without personal bests, what am I even training for? Maybe without this competitiveness I would not be half the runner I am today and would not have achieved the milestones I have on my running journey.

So I am sure you are reading this now and contemplating if you are competitive too. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror and really consider that question. The answer will always be yes! You are competing. You are competing with that person staring back at you. Don’t worry about anyone else, you are trying your hardest every day to be better than the person you were yesterday. Be competitive and own it.

Reflecting on 2017 – a shed ton of miles!

Wow! What a crazy year of running 2017 was for me. My husband bought me the Strava print (in the featured image above) as a Christmas present and it allowed me to reflect upon all the running and mileage I have completed in 2017. I have also been keeping a running diary for the whole of 2017 which has allowed to track all of my runs – 1300 miles and countless races, including my first marathon. Regular readers of my blog will know the ups and downs I have faced this year which only makes my achievements feel so much more significant to me. 2017 is definitely going to take some beating!

I am happy to report that I finished 2017 on a major high by running a parkrun PB, something I have been chasing for a while as I hadn’t had a PB on that course since February 2016, further proof that I am finally getting back to full strength after the various ‘health hurdles’ I have faced since my marathon in May.

It would be impossible to go through everything that has happened this year but here is a little recap of 2017:

January:
– The start of my marathon training, brimming with positivity.
– My first race of the year -the Canterbury 10 miler (can’t beat a race in your home town). Freezing cold conditions and a challenging hilly course but I still managed to bag a sub 90 minute time.

February:
– Deal half marathon – surprised everyone with a 1:58 – taking over 12 minutes off my previous time – clearly marathon training was paying dividends.
– Ran my first ever sub 26 minute 5k, on a flat parkrun course but it did wonders for my confidence.

March:
– Dramatically ramped up my marathon training mileage – averaging 40 miles a week over 5 days of training. I was absolutely exhausted and the marathon doubts started to creep in but I completed some long solo runs.

April:
– More training woes including an abandoned LSR. But helped through by some incredibly supportive friends.
– Started listening to podcasts rather than music for my long runs and this proved to be much more successful in taking my mind off the boredom/pain.
– Gave up alcohol in preparation for the marathon (this is more than a big deal for me!)

May:
– BEWL WATER MARATHON completed. Absolutely amazing experience. Helped round by my awesome mate Paul. Spent the remainder of May experiencing a true ‘runners high’ and the odd slightly lost feeling but I was assured this was perfectly normal.
– Start of the inter-club summer relays – discovered that my legs were no longer able to run fast or short distances. Fantastic.

June:
– Charing 10k – significantly slower than the previous year (blamed the marathon) but still enjoyable.
– More feeling like I was lost without a rigid training plan to follow.
– Paced the hubby around his first 10k race – made it over the line sub 60 minutes – very proud wifey.
– Further summer relays – started to enjoy them more. See slight smile in photo below (but it could easily be a grimace).
– Did a 14 day run streak in an attempt to get my running mojo back – didn’t work, wish I hadn’t bothered. Blamed the marathon again.

July:
– Increasing whininess that my legs won’t move fast despite completing a marathon 6 weeks ago.
– Lost the mum’s race at the school sports day – that was a particularly low moment in 2017.
– Thunder Run – 24 hour relay race – 4 laps of 6 miles over a very technical course on quite possibly the worst weather weekend of the year. My first camping experience too! A brilliant but challenging weekend spent with friends, creating memories I will never forget.

August:
– Aylesham 10k, a hilly local race. Beat my 2015 time but it still wasn’t a particularly fast 10k.
– Canterbury half marathon – possibly the worst race experience of my life. I walked huge parts of the course and achieved a personal worst HM time.
– By now I had come around to the idea that I will be slow forever.

September:
– Reached the 1000 mile mark – contemplated giving up running forever.
– Decided not to be stupid and to persevere with this running lark. However while out on a long run I was so tired and my legs felt so heavy that I took a bad fall. Started to question why I was still bothering with something I was so rubbish at.
– Received some game-changing advice from my running club buddies.

October:
– Bit the bullet and went to the doctor. After a few blood tests I was diagnosed with anaemia and given a strong dose of iron tablets for 2 months. Totally relieved that there was a reason for my terrible running.
– Royal Parks Half Marathon – incredible race with approximately 16,000 runners around some wonderful sights in London. Really enjoyed myself.
– Completed my 100th parkrun – a real running highlight.
– Picked up a niggling little foot injury. Annoyed that I had to take a couple of weeks away from running but it gave me time to work on my core strength and reflect on my training.

November:
– Enjoyed some social runs in the woods. No time pressures, just a run and chat. Perfect.
– My running mojo was slowly returning.
– Completed the 666 trail race – a very technical run (the clue is in the title). Absolutely loved it, didn’t stop smiling the whole way round.
– Bought speedy* new Asics trainers. *N.B. there is no guarantee that the shoes make me faster but they certainly look pretty.

December:
– Running gradually getting easier and faster. As a result I was feeling infinitely happier.
– Finally achieved a parkrun PB – the perfect end to an awesome year of running.

2018 onwards:
Many people are surprised when I say that I will not be running another marathon this year but I’m just not cut out for another Spring season of marathon training. So this year I am going to focus on my parkruns and 10k races with the odd half marathon thrown in for good measure. But ultimately I just want to get back to enjoying running and being healthy. 2018 is the year for being kind to myself and not taking things too seriously.

BRING IT ON.

Things are on the up…finally

An injury, a diagnosis and learning to be kind to myself

I don’t want to tempt fate BUT this is the most positive I have felt about running in a very long time!

I have had a rough few months with running lately. So rough that I dedicated the whole of my last blog post to it which you can view here if you want to. In summary: I had got really slow post marathon and as a result had lost some of my passion for running, which left me feeling really quite lost. I decided to try and find an answer for what exactly had left me feeling this way.

It turns out there were some actual reasons.

Firstly, I have had a little niggle in my left foot for some time. A dull pain right across the top. Nothing too bad so I have just been ignoring it. I completed my 100th parkrun around a month ago which is a milestone I have been chasing for a while so I just ignored the niggle and carried on. This parkrun was followed the very next day a by a particularly tough 8 mile trail run in the woods with friends. By the time I got home my foot was in agony and I could no longer ignore this injury. So I made the very sensible decision to take a couple of weeks away from running whilst this sorted itself out. I googled a few of the symptoms and spoke to a few of my running friends and I could make a fair assumption that it was nothing more than a bit of tendinitis. A couple of weeks rest would clear it up.

A week or so prior to this tiny set back I made another sensible decision to go the doctor for a regular check up and MOT. In my previous blog post I talked about how not only had my running got slower but I just found everything much harder than I ever used to. Some of my friends, and the chairman of my running club no less, suggested that I went and had a chat with the doctor just to make sure everything was okay. Turns out that it was far from okay. I spoke through my symptoms with the very lovely doctor (who I spied was wearing a Garmin so I knew would understand) and he sent me off the to hospital for a few blood tests. A couple of weeks later (2 days into my enforced break from running) I received a phone call from the doctor explaining that the results showed that I have very low haemoglobin levels combined with extremely low iron levels, which would explain why I have been feeling so terrible lately. He said that he was surprised that I even managed to get out of bed some mornings! He prescribed me some strong iron tablets for the foreseeable future and strongly advised me to take it easy for a couple of weeks to get my body back on an even keel.

I have to admit that the diagnosis from the doctor did make me feel quite emotional. For so long I just assumed I was a rubbish runner so to hear that there was a medical reason to explain what had made me feel so lousy was a huge relief. As a mother with a very busy life I have always put my needs on the back burner. I spend so much of my time worrying about everyone else and making sure everything is running smoothly that I forget that I need to take care of myself too. It was a massive wake up call. Sometimes I need to remember that I am a person too and I am far from invincible.

Post diagnosis but still suffering with my injury I decided to take some time to focus on my core strength by getting back in the gym and doing more of the stuff that I used to love. More Body Pump and spin classes and generally working on my strength and endurance without putting too much pressure on my foot whilst remembering to take it easy so I can recover.

You will be pleased to hear that after 2 weeks off running I got right back to it with a new, refreshed attitude to training. In that first week back I managed to run nearly 30 miles. I actually can’t believe the difference the iron tablets have made already. My legs no longer feel like they are full of lead and I don’t feel like my lungs are going to give up on me. Words cannot describe how positive this has made me feel about the future of my running. Over the last couple of weeks I have already seen my speed pick up and I am back to enjoying running again. I have even started to think about medium-term goals and challenges – something that wouldn’t have crossed my mind a month ago, when I wanted to jack it all in.

So yes it is horrible to experience injuries and other setbacks and no doubt I will have more injuries to endure in the future ( I am getting older after all) but these little obstacles will ultimately be what teaches me to be more patient and to be kinder to myself. I still have a lot to learn in this regard but I will get there. I am incredibly grateful for the support my amazing friends and family have shown over the last weeks. These people are always there to encourage me when I am having a little wobble but equally I’ll know they’ll be there to celebrate with me when I am smashing my PBs again.